What was he doing here?
"I wanted to see how you were."
"I'm fine. You can leave now."
"No." He said putting his hand on the door. "I'm not leaving just yet."
We ended up walking into the kitchen cause it was cold outside. I made us both hot chocolate and we sat at the kitchen table. It was dead quiet, but even in the dim light, Taylor's eyes shined like a million little stars. I could not keep up with my heart.
"Ally, I wish you would tell me what's going on. I can tell you want to let someone in, but something is stopping you. What is it?"
"I've had a lot happen to me, stuff that makes me push everything away."
"It's none of your business!" I snapped as a few tears blinded my eyes.
I felt my heart pounding harder and I got out my chair and stormed up to my room. I could feel Taylor following me. I slammed my bedroom door shut and started to cry. I couldn't hold it in. All this was too much. It was taking me back to somewhere I didn't want to be. My past.
"Fine. I'm going to sit outside your door until you tell me."
I took a few steps back from the door and headed into my bed. I wanted to see if he was joking or not. The hall light was still on as I tried to sleep. I ended up staring at my ceiling for a lifetime. What if I let him in? I've never had someone beg to be in my life so much like he did. Maybe he was right. Maybe that one wall needs to come crashing down.
After a few deep breaths, I headed over to my door. I slowly opened it up and I felt more tears. Taylor was still here. He sat against the wall beside my door.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
He gets off the floor in seconds and is right in front of me. My breath comes to a halt as he touches the side of my face. I take a step back and we're both in my room. I flick on my lamp as he shuts the door.
"Don't be sorry. You'll tell me soon enough."
"No. I want to tell you now."
He nods and I lead him over to my bed. I sat down first and took a couple breaths. Taylor grabbed my hand and I held on with all my might.
"Well, it has to do with my mom." I started. "She grew really depressed and everything and wanted nothing to do with me. So that's when my dad sent me to Edmonton to live with my Grandparents while my mom got help."
"And did she?"
"No. She committed suicide."
"Oh, Ally. That's horrible. I'm sorry I pestered you so much about it." He said as he pulled me into a hug.
I began to sob hysterically into his chest as he pulled me tighter. It was therapeutic the way I let it all out. It was all out in the open. Taylor didn't run when I told him, something I thought he would've done, but he didn't.
"How are you holding up though?"
"I have my days where I really miss her, but, it's sad to say this, but, when I don't think about her -- it feels like she's still here. I went years without seeing her, so I just sometimes have this wild hope, she'll show up at my door, all healthy. But I know it's not gunna happen."
"Ally, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. You know I'm here for you."
"Thank you so much. You have no idea how good I feel right now."
I turned my head towards him and his ocean like eyes are peering through me. Before I knew it, his lips were grazing mine. I felt all my body heat rush to my head and I couldn't breathe. It was a short, yet lingering kiss. I pulled away and he kissed my forehead as I caught my breath.
That was the best kiss I ever had.
"I should probably go then. Know that I know you're alright."
"No, stay. My dad won't care."
He smiles and we both crawled into my bed. My head landed on his chest as I listened to his heart jump through his shirt. Our hands were clasped together and my skin was tingling like crazy. My eyelids felt heavy as I closed them. Then I fell into a perfect sleep where no nightmares swarmed me for once.