Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I tried to live without you, but tears fell from my eyes - eight


What was he doing here?


"I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine. You can leave now."

"No." He said putting his hand on the door. "I'm not leaving just yet."


We ended up walking into the kitchen cause it was cold outside. I made us both hot chocolate and we sat at the kitchen table. It was dead quiet, but even in the dim light, Taylor's eyes shined like a million little stars. I could not keep up with my heart.

"Ally, I wish you would tell me what's going on. I can tell you want to let someone in, but something is stopping you. What is it?"

"I've had a lot happen to me, stuff that makes me push everything away."

"Like what?"

"It's none of your business!" I snapped as a few tears blinded my eyes.

I felt my heart pounding harder and I got out my chair and stormed up to my room. I could feel Taylor following me. I slammed my bedroom door shut and started to cry. I couldn't hold it in. All this was too much. It was taking me back to somewhere I didn't want to be. My past.

"Fine. I'm going to sit outside your door until you tell me."


I took a few steps back from the door and headed into my bed. I wanted to see if he was joking or not. The hall light was still on as I tried to sleep. I ended up staring at my ceiling for a lifetime. What if I let him in? I've never had someone beg to be in my life so much like he did. Maybe he was right. Maybe that one wall needs to come crashing down.

After a few deep breaths, I headed over to my door. I slowly opened it up and I felt more tears. Taylor was still here. He sat against the wall beside my door.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

He gets off the floor in seconds and is right in front of me. My breath comes to a halt as he touches the side of my face. I take a step back and we're both in my room. I flick on my lamp as he shuts the door.

"Don't be sorry. You'll tell me soon enough."

"No. I want to tell you now."

He nods and I lead him over to my bed. I sat down first and took a couple breaths. Taylor grabbed my hand and I held on with all my might.

"Well, it has to do with my mom." I started. "She grew really depressed and everything and wanted nothing to do with me. So that's when my dad sent me to Edmonton to live with my Grandparents while my mom got help."

"And did she?"

"No. She committed suicide."

"Oh, Ally. That's horrible. I'm sorry I pestered you so much about it." He said as he pulled me into a hug.

I began to sob hysterically into his chest as he pulled me tighter. It was therapeutic the way I let it all out. It was all out in the open. Taylor didn't run when I told him, something I thought he would've done, but he didn't.

"How are you holding up though?"

"I have my days where I really miss her, but, it's sad to say this, but, when I don't think about her -- it feels like she's still here. I went years without seeing her, so I just sometimes have this wild hope, she'll show up at my door, all healthy. But I know it's not gunna happen."

"Ally, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. You know I'm here for you."

"Thank you so much. You have no idea how good I feel right now."

I turned my head towards him and his ocean like eyes are peering through me. Before I knew it, his lips were grazing mine. I felt all my body heat rush to my head and I couldn't breathe. It was a short, yet lingering kiss. I pulled away and he kissed my forehead as I caught my breath.

That was the best kiss I ever had.

"I should probably go then. Know that I know you're alright."

"No, stay. My dad won't care."

He smiles and we both crawled into my bed. My head landed on his chest as I listened to his heart jump through his shirt. Our hands were clasped together and my skin was tingling like crazy. My eyelids felt heavy as I closed them. Then I fell into a perfect sleep where no nightmares swarmed me for once.

Friday, November 5, 2010

you paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain - seven

I know it's short, but it will have to do for now :)

 The spits ended up winning the game 4-2 and it was a good start to the season. Taylor got a goal and two assists, and Kenny got a helper on Adam Henrique's goal. Though my head was still spinning, I tried my best to ignore that. It was beyond hard. Taylor. Kenny. Taylor. Kenny. Rather, rinse, repeat.

I walked into the lobby of the Arena and was getting ready to leave when my phone buzzed. It was Kenny.

"Hey, hope you're not going home yet, I wanna see you."

"Well, I was gunna go home and sleep unless you have something better in mind."

"Well, I don't know if my billet family would want me having people over."

"You can come over to my house for a bit, my dad's pretty laid back."

"Okay, be out in 10 minutes :)"

He never showed up.

I didn't get it.

I left the arena and walked over to my car. I felt some tears stinging my eyes and I let them fall cause no one was around me. Or so I thought.


I turned on my heel and saw that same old blond haired blue eyed boy standing on the curb. He was always standing on the corner for me. Taylor. I put my head down as he started to walk closer, counting his footsteps before he was right in front of me.

"Why are you still here?"

"Cause Kenny told me he was going to meet me out here, but he never showed up."

"He ... he stood you up?"

"It appears that way," I muttered as I looked at my feet.

"Hey," Taylor whispered as he lifted my chin up, then moved his hand to the side of my face, "you don't deserve that."

His blue eyes peered through me as I let out a shaky breath, "Then what do I deserve?"

"To be happy.  Everyone does."

"I have to go."

I abruptly moved his hand from me and got into my car. I kept seeing his face in my mind as I drove away. I moved my rear view mirror so I wouldn't have the urge to look at him. I'm so stupid. I've should've known to not let anyone in. It just never works. That's why I have to push Taylor away, in case he hurts me.

I trudged into the house and my dad was asleep in front of the TV. I turned the TV off and put a blanket over him. My room was freezing as I walked inside of it. I threw on some pj pants and a blackhawks long sleeve shirt. As I got into bed, I got a text from Kenny.

"I'm really sorry I blew you off."

"You have no excuse?"

"I got sidetracked with some of the guys and when I got home, I checked my phone and felt horrible."

"We'll talk about this later. I don't know what to believe anymore."

I threw my phone on the floor and tried to get to sleep. But I could not get Taylor out of my mind. How the pavement glowed as he stood there. I recalled the smell of the rain, it was still in my lungs. The way his eyes shined against the streetlights. It was like a firework show and I was captivated. Everything about it was keeping me awake.

A little while later, there was a light knock on my door. The hallway light crept into my room and I squinted my eyes. It was my father.

"Ally, there's someone here to see you."

I slowly got myself out of bed and walked down towards the front door. There stood those faded blue jean shaded eyes looking right into my heart.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

don't say yes, run away now - six

I jerked out of Taylor's grip and rubbed my pulsing wrist, "Taylor, what do you want?"

"What the hell are you doing with Kenny?"

"Why does it matter to you? You've been awfully whiny everytime Kenny comes around, it's bothering me."

He slowly licked his lower lip as he found the words to say. I watched him eagerly as his blue eyes wondered all over.

"It's not a simple explanation. I just like you and I guess I was jealous of Kenny."

My heart stopped as I stared at him, "You were jealous of Kenny?"

"Yeah. He beat me to the punch. He seemed to like you more than I did."

"Nothing is serious right now. I don't want anything serious. I came back here to live with my dad."

"But you kissed Kenny."

"Cause, I like him. Why can't you see that?"

"Well what do you think of me?"

I breathed deeply and look past his shoulder, "I kinda like you too. I don't know anymore. I can either do without or decide."

"It seems like have made up your mind."

"Maybe I have."

During the second period, the spits were up 4-2 against the Kitchener Rangers. I was right behind the bench and avoided looking at Taylor everytime he came back from a line change. Funny thing was, he made my heart race as much as Kenny did. Fuck, what was I going to do. Stay with Kenny and hurt Taylor? Tell Kenny we can't be together to make Taylor happy, but I'll hurt Kenny. Either way I felt miserable.

There was 4 minutes left in the period, and Kitchener got caught on a sloppy line change and were charged with a too many men call. About 45 seconds into the penalty, Cam Fowler passed the puck to Taylor and he fired a shot that blindsided the Kitchener goalie. The entire arena erupted as he skated back to the bench. Our eyes locked for what felt like an eternity, and it felt like the sounds of the arena melted away from my ears. My breathing was deeper as I watched him mouth 'that was for you' before he went back to centre ice.

Now what was I supposed to do?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I'm not the one who broke you, I'm not the one you should fear - five

"Kenny? Seriously?"

I shook my head as I stared into my computer screen. I was Skyping with Gabby before I headed to the Spitfires game. I showered beforehand, curled my hair, and darkened my eyes with eyeliner and silver eyeshadow. I wore a pair of dark jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt with my burgundy zip up hoodie over it.

"Yeah, he asked me to go."

"I thought you liked Taylor."

"So did I."

"But Kenny?"

"Hey, you liked him before me."

"True. But I'm over him."

"Oh god," I chuckled, "who's the next victim?"

"Jordan Eberle."

"Ally! Something came in the mail for you." My dad hollered up the stairs.

"I gotta go, I'll skype you tomorrow about what happens tonight."


I laughed hysterically before I shut my laptop lid. I got downstairs and saw my dad glued to his laptop as the sounds of the Toronto Maple Leafs game filled the living room.

"Dad, where is this magical package?" I asked him as I took his chips and can of pepsi away from him.

"It's on the table for you in the kitchen, and give me my food back."

"Ha, I don't think so. I'm getting you something healthier."

I headed into the kitchen and threw the chips and pop into the garbage. I saw the parchment on the table. I squealed, it was from Gabby. It was my Toews jersey. I furiously tore the package open and there lied my jersey, a letter and a couple photos.



Now, that I've cleared that up. I just wanted to tell you that the hawks were in town the night before I wrapped up your present. So, you know ... just look on the back the jersey. Thank me later. I also got some photos you might like. You were right. Seabrook is a babe.

PS -- this jersey gave me great luck. I was flying from Edmonton to Regina to visit my grandmother, and guess who was sitting beside me on the plane? Jordan Eberle. He complimented me on the jersey at first. He's the sweetest guy I've never met, we're totally getting married, in my dreams maybe.

LOVE YOU xoxo!

Ps - Kennaaayy!
I turned my jersey over and screamed. Jonathan signed it for me. It read, "To Ally, my number one fan, all the best". I was hyperventilating as I ran into the living room and showed my dad.

"Jon signed it?"

"YES!" I squealed as I stared at it. "Shit, what time is it?"


"Dammit, I gotta go."

"Where are you going?"

"To the Spitfires game, it starts at 8."

"Did Taylor give you a ticket?"

"No, Kenny did."

"Kenny? I thought you liked Taylor."

"Dad? Are we gunna talk about boys?"

"I guess not. Have fun. There's a can of pepper spray in your car!"

"DAD! DON'T EVEN!" I yelled from the doorway before I shut the door from behind me.

I got into the arena as I got a text from Kenny to meet him at one of the gates in 5 minutes. I headed down the hallway before I found the gate he wanted to meet me at. I looked at all the pucksluts waiting around for the guys to come out of their dressing room. I rolled my eyes, didn't they have anything better to do with their lives? Clearly not.


I turned around and saw Kenny walking towards me. He had his hockey gear on, but no skates just yet. Good thing too, I was short enough as it is. He enveloped me into a hug and my heart began to race excessively.

"So you ready to kick Sudbury's ass?" I asked him.

"I sure am, and I wasn't kidding when I said I would score a goal for you."

"I know you weren't." I said as my voice grew shaky, "I just want to know what it meant."

He smirked and titled his head to the side, "you really don't know?"

"No." I simply said, "I have no idea."

His lips gently brushed mine and I felt a jolt from the crown of my head to the lips of my toes. His hand found the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss a bit. I became desperate for air and I pulled away from him. He remained persistent and pressed his lips to my forehead. Seriously what was going on right now.

"I really like you, can't you see that?"

"Way to go captain obvious." I huffed.

He smiled and gently cupped the side of my face as his baby blues saw right through me, "I should go, warm up starts in 5 minutes."

"Go get em tiger."

He winked at me before he left. I blinked a few times to see if I was dreaming or not. I wasn't. I was getting ready to leave when I felt a hand clasp my wrist. I turned around to see who it was, only to find myself looking into the eyes of a very angry Taylor Hall.

Friday, September 17, 2010

everyday is something new - four

Shiiiiiiit, it's been forever. My bad.------------------------------------------

School was going really smoothly. I missed Edmonton a lot though. Taylor and I were friends for now. Which was what I wanted. Honestly, I was friends with his whole team, and two girls named Steph and Gina. I didn't want to jump into anything just yet, but his friend Kenny, was all I thought about. I couldn't help it. Those blue eyes, that American accent, his constant bickering with me. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I starting crushing on him.


I turned around and got bombarded with a huge hug from Taylor. He picked me up gently, causing me to laugh before he placed me back down.

"You're excited."

"That I am. Doctors cleared me, so I can play again."

I smirked, "Tay, you were out for one game with the flu."

"I know, but I miss playing."

"Wow, you're really dedicated aren't you?"

"You could say that. Hey, Ally, I was wondering --"


I turned around again and this time, it was Kenny who crashed into me. I looked over at Taylor, and he looked like he wanted to knock Kenny into next week.

"So what are you doing after school, Mrs. Sharp?" Kenny asked me as he stole my water bottle from my hands.

"CAN YOU STOP CALLING ME THAT?" I yelled as I rolled my eyes as Kenny chugged half my water back.

"But, you have a Patrick Sharp shirt!"

"OH THAT WAS ONE TIME! And thanks for putting your germs all over my bottle. Greatly appreciate it."

"You love it, and you didn't answer my question."

"Uhm, nothing. Probably just homework."

"Well, look no further, my lady!"

He whips out a ticket for the Spitfires home game tonight and places it in my hands. I feel a rush of excitement as I notice that it's for a seat behind the bench. I stared, bewildered.

"Kenny, are you kidding me?"

"Nope. I want you to be there. You haven't been to a game this year."

"Bullshit, I went to home opener."

"That was a month ago. I'll even score a goal for you!"

"Fine. I'll see you there."

As I said that, the bell went for 5th period. I slip the ticket into my purse before I shut my locker. I almost forgot Taylor was standing there. That wasn't like me. At all.

"See you tonight." Kenny says as he notices Cam Fowler walking towards us. He kissed my cheek quickly before he ran off. What a firecracker he was.

"So, what did you want to ask me?"

"Nothing. It seems Kenny covered that one." He bitterly replied walking away from me.

"But --"

Too late, he was gone.

Monday, July 5, 2010

bickering through notebook paper - three

He was still looking at me, my heart was thundering inside of my chest. His blue eyes were peering through me. They were the most perfect shade of blue I've ever seen. Like a huge ocean I would die to get lost into.

"Oh, no phone zone or something?"

"Eh, sorta. He's just stuck in the 19th century."

I slightly chuckled, "Good to know."

"I'm Taylor by the way."

"Ally. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," He replies taking a seat beside me. "So, you're new?"

Thanks captain obvious, "Uh yeah. I lived here before but I had to move to Edmonton for a while."

"Why's that?"

I shook my head, feeling a pain in my chest, "It's really none of your business."

He didn't say anything. I kicked myself mentally for snapping at him. He probably thinks I'm too stuck on myself to talk to him. But that wasn't the truth. I was scared. Terrified. After everything that's happened, I had a hard time letting someone in. Even if it was just a friend.

Chemistry passed on in longing lurches. I kept my eyes on the board and wrote down every note the teacher wrote, even though I noticed Taylor was only writing it in point form. Whatever, it kept my mind away from him. Sorta.

I had math next, and I cursed when I noticed Kenny was in this class too. He sat in the seat in front of me, of course. As class rolled on he turned around and tapped my paper with his finger. I glared at him waited for him to say something but instead he passed me a piece of paper.

"So, you bitch me out, and snap at Taylor. You're sure making a name for yourself around here, sweet-cheeks."

I huffed and smacked him in the back of the head, causing the teacher to stop his lecture and stare at us. Other classmates start laughing amongst themselves as Kenny shot me a glare. Great, my face is burning.

"Is there a problem?"

"No." I lied. "Sorry for interrupting. It won't happen again."

The teacher shook his head and continued talking about something complicated. I didn't even know anymore. I wasn't listening for the past 20 minutes. I couldn't get Taylor out of my head. I tapped Kenny on the shoulder and he turned around, showing me he had bright eyes too. Wait, focus, Ally.

"You don't know the first thing about me." I hissed.

"Well maybe if you got off your high horse, I'd ask you what's going on."

"It's nothing you could understand anyways, so don't bother."

He started to grow agitated with me, but I wasn't budging. It's not like I was trying to be bitchy with him, it just came naturally. He was being an ass, so I might as well be one back. Maybe this was his way of flirting with me. Ha. Me? Date him? No way in hell.

Amongst my thoughts, I didn't even notice that Kenny grabbed my text book and threw it on the floor. Really now? I thought we did this in kindergarden.

"Are you serious right now?" I say, raising my voice.

"Okay, you two, this is the second warning. I'm gunna have to ask you two to stand outside for a few minutes."

"He started it!" I huffed.

"Well, if you weren't such a stuck up bitch, I wouldn't have done it!"

"Ah, screw you!"

"OUT NOW! Both of you."

I curse under my breath and get up from my seat. I feel everyones eyes on me as I head to the door. I purposely knock Kenny back into his seat, where he proceeds to call me a bitch and I act like I didn't hear a thing. I really don't know why he got under my skin so easily.

What a great way to start my senior year.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

patrick kane autographs & school halls - two

Being back in that house in Windsor was like stepping back into time. Back to all the haunted memories I didn't want to deal with again. Knowing she used to live here at one point, it was causing some kind of mind wash I couldn't handle.

I put my bag at the foot of my bed and my dad followed behind with my suitcase. It's silent. Not surprising. The once yellow walls here now a lilac colour, with cherry coloured furniture, and a matching purple bed spread. I kicked my shoes off and began to walk around the room. Most of my awards I got as a kid playing hockey were still here, keychains, sea shells, and photographs. My eyes got attached to the framed Chicago Blackhawks poster hanging up beside my bed, and it was autographed.

"I didn't forget how much you loved them." My dad says clutching onto my shoulders.

Tears began to fill my eyes, it reminded me of my Mom. "Who signed it?"

"Patrick Kane. I tried to get Jon to sign it, but, he took off."

"That sounds like him." I joked through my tears.

"We'll get through this, Ally. We will."

I turn around and hug my Dad for a short moment. He tells me it's 10 at night, and school started tomorrow. I could feel my stomach turning in 5 million different directions. Time to start all over again ...

The sun peers through the curtains and causes me to stir in my sleep. Time for school. Oh joy, what trainwreck did life have planned out for me today? Falling face first? Nawh. Tripping in front of a cute guy? Yeah, that was more traumatizing.

I slid on a pair of denim shorts and my Patrick Sharp Hawks T-shirt, brushed my teeth, washed my face, swept on some mascara to wake up my green eyes, and threw my long brown wavy hair into a ponytail. As always, this is as good as it's gunna get. As you can see, I'm VERY confident in myself.

As I get downstairs, there's a note on the kitchen table, I placed two pieces of bread into the toaster and read the note while I waited.

"Ally, I meant to say, I have to work at 7 am every morning. Your School starts at 9. Go look outside, your homecoming gift is waiting for you. Love, Dad."

I slapped some peanut butter on my toast and washed it down with milk. In one swift motion, I slid on my flip flops, grabbed my phone, backpack and locked the house up. A black Volkswagen Jetta sat in the drive way, with a note saying, "check behind the tires for the key'. I laughed and headed into the car. Not bad.

My nerves were on edge the closer I got to the school. I wasn't gunna fit in, that's all I knew. I kept my head down as I headed into the office.

"Hey, Hawks suck!"

"Fuck you!" I spat back.

Lovely, not even a minute in the school, and I'm already harassed. Cool joke.

The office was much more updated than the one at my old school. It had no carpet, just glossy floors, high tech computers, and no musty smell. It was quite refreshing. A tall woman with grey hair wrapped up in a bun sent me a warm smile as I approached her. She passed me a map and my schedule.

"Hey, Kenny! Why don't you show her where Mr. Willis' class is."

I turn around and see some obnoxious kid standing behind me. He must've stood 6 feet tall, had bright eyes and a beaming smile.

"No, I can find it myself." I reply walking back into the hall.

"So, what? You're here 5 seconds and you think you're too good for us?"

"Are you following me?"

He smirks, "Yes, I am. Now, you want help or not?"

"No, I don't."

He lets out from ridiculous laugh and takes a step closer to me. "Alright, Mrs. Patrick Sharp. We'll see how far that attitude gets you."

"You did not just call me that!"

"I so did. Listen, you're on a new ground. Either accept it, or you'll get stomped on."

"Thanks for the friendly advice." I sarcastically replied walking away from him.

What a freaking idiot.

I headed into my Chemistry class and sit down waiting for class to start. One by one everyone was piling in. I saw Kenny walk in, he pouted at me before he sat down. My phone buzzed beside me. I picked it up, it was a text from Gabby.

"Allo Ally. I hope you have a good first day. I hear the Spitfires attend your school. Kennayyy! :)"

"Ew, that's the Kenny you always talk about?"


"Yes, and he has the brain of a 5 year old."

"I'd put that phone away, Willis might steal it."

I could feel my heart pounding in my throat, my hands begin to shake as I put my phone down. I slowly looked up and was staring into the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen in my life.